With Six You Get Eye Rolls

Like the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, the annual Six-Word Mystery Contest—launched back in 2017 by the Rocky Mountain Chapter of Mystery Writers of America—is designed to be just plain fun. Each fall season the call goes out for six-word whodunits in different categories. And months later, the winners are announced.

A news release has now brought us the results for 2022. It explains, first, that Fort Collins, Colorado, resident Rita A. Popp is the overall competition victor this year with her sure-to-produce-a-chuckle entry “Magician escapes gallows when witness vanishes.” (That same submission triumphed in the Police Procedural division.) The release then goes on to report all of this year’s winners and finalists.

Thriller:
Winner: Born triplets. But three’s a crowd. (Twist Phelan)
Everyone looks the same inside out. (Dara Carr)
His daily picks weren't lottery numbers. (K.D. Horton)
It looked like an innocent package. (Sue Hinkin)
She opened the door. Never again. (Cindy Martin)

Romance & Lust:
Winner: Too many husbands. Just enough funerals. (Matthew Porter)
A kiss to die for. Done. (Erika Jakubassa)
Close shave nearly nicks private dick. (James A. Hearn)
She killed to remain a mystery. (Seth Pilevsky)
Tennis Killer's lament: "All for love." (Rita A. Popp)

Cozy:
Winner: Cause of death: folding fitted sheet. (K.D. Horton)
Bookstore cat was really a rat. (Sue Hinkin)
Cat poisons librarian reading by fireplace? (Tia Karelson)
Every mousy victim disemboweled—a hoo-hoo-hoodunit.
(Jeffrey Lockwood)
Possible weapon, a prized blueberry pie. (Elaine B. Johnson)

Noir & Hard-boiled:
Winner: Trouble finds me. Redhead, this time. (Eric Yoder)
Embezzling mortician uses corpse as bank. (K.D. Horton)
Hungover with a gun and corpse. (Kristen Gibson)
Plotting his comeuppance dragged her down. (K.D. Horton)
The Bolognese perfectly disguised the blood. (Barbara Nicholson)

Police Procedural:
Winner: Magician escapes gallows when witness vanishes.
(Rita A. Popp)
Beat cop murders to make detective. (Tia Karelson)
Identify them. Catch them. Incarcerate them. (Barbara Nicholson)
Sheriff cries, dismembered corpse, his wife. (Elaine B Johnson)
The suicide’s hands lacked gunshot residue. (Daniel Royer)

Yes, some of these are definitely more humorous than others, and a couple of them didn’t work for me at all. But that’s the thing with humor: it doesn’t hit everyone in the same way.

Previous Six-Word Mystery Contest winners can be found here.

Fun with Fleeting Fiction

I’m not a huge fan of short stories, instead preferring longer, more immersive tales. However, I’ll acknowledge that many briefer narratives can be highly effective. Since 2017, the Rocky Mountain chapter of Mystery Writers of America has been making that fact clear with its annual Six-Word Mystery Contest, “inspired by the legends of [Ernest] Hemingway’s heartbreaking story: ‘For sale: Baby shoes. Never worn,’” as the organization’s Web site explains.

Jean Garrison, a Florida resident, has been announced as the winner of the RMMWA’s 2021 competition, triumphing over 25 other finalists with her brief yarn of retribution, “He gaslighted her. She candlesticked him.” Garrison’s yarn plays nicely on a term that’s being employed more and more in our politically divided era: “gaslighting,” defined as “making someone question their own reality.”



There were five submission categories in this year’s Six-Word Mystery Contest. The Denver, Colorado-based RMMWA released the complete list of winners and finalists yesterday, along with the names of entrants, shown in parentheses below.

Cozy:
Category Winner — Chimney sweep murdered. Shot through hearth. (Z.J. Czupor)
A pie so good, it killed. (Cynthia Kuhn)
Baker battered over muffin top comment. (Lori Lacefield)
She died to hide her roots. (Jean Garrison)
Wanted: botanicals expert (nightshades). Confidentiality required. (Robert Miller)

Hard-boiled/Noir:
Category Winner — Detective follows hunch back to Notre-Dame. (Jennie MacDonald)
A badge makes vengeance murders easier. (Pat Remick)
Disappearance of dame derails detective’s denouement.
(William Frank)
Embezzling mob accountant's days were numbered. (Jean Garrison)
Lifeless eyes glisten in the streetlamp. (Darynda Jones)

Police Procedural:
Category Winner — Librarian booked for murder, justice overdue. (Angela Henry)
Gregor’s dead. Father suspected of insecticide. (Jeffrey Lockwood)
“I’m no flight risk!” insisted emu. (Jean Garrison)
Success? The murder made the news. (Dru Ann Love)
White collar thief nabbed for laundering. (Brooke Terpening)

Romance/Lust:
Overall Winner — He gaslighted her. She candlesticked him.
(Jean Garrison)
Exhibitionist murdered. Rounded up usual voyeurs. (Ryan Garms)
Florist arranged knotted noose for Bridezilla. (Kristin Horton)
Promised his heart. Kept his promise. (Julie Kerr Daly)
Silk stockings, a new neck accessory. (Barb Bathrick)

Thriller:
Category Winner — 3 people, 2 parachutes, 1 dilemma.
(Sage Naumann)
In every mirror, I'm someone else. (Kristin Horton)
Serial killer periodically opens BBQ stand. (Mary Stojak)
The wildfire raged. Grinning, he spit. (Mike Chiropolos)
They almost escaped. Then he sneezed. (Lissa Marie Redmond)

I must admit, it took me a moment to puzzle out several of these. Others caused me to chuckle immediately.

Previous Six-Word Mystery Contest winners are here.

Crime in Short Order

In October, the Rocky Mountain Chapter of Mystery Writers of America (RMMWA) announced that it was holding its second-annual Six-Word Mystery Contest, and that its panel of judges would include Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine editor Linda Landrigan as well as author Anne Hillerman. The competition opened on October 1, with a deadline for submissions of November 1. Five categories of entries were available to those folks daring enough to share their ideas: Hard-boiled or Noir, Cozy, Thriller, Police Procedural, and Romance or Lust.

The finalists and winner in each category, as well as the overall winner, were declared last Thursday night, December 14. They are as follows:

Cozy:
Winner: Auntie’s needles were not for knitting. (Matthew Porter)
Was picture perfect. I framed him. (Julie Kerr)
Ukulele club. Jealousy. Death by G-string. (C.C. Harrison)
Wedding gown cheap. Red stain discount. (Kris Neri)
Deserted island, our last breakfast together. (Kristin Horton)

Hard-boiled/Noir:
Winner: Concrete boots replaced the blonde’s stilettos. (Margaret Mizushima)
Stole her heart—and ate it. (Julie Kerr)
Dog ate more than her homework. (Julie Kerr)
She confessed. It wasn’t my baby. (Vaibhab Hassija)
One gun. One bullet. Two dead. (Geri Hannah)

Police Procedural:
Winner: Autopsy couldn’t reveal his true heart. (Matthew Porter)
Only witness to murder. Blind teacher. (Vaibhav Hassija)
Cops unearth killer! Paperwork buries cop. (Mo Walsh)
Always check the evidence room again. (Cynthia Kuhn)
His sins blazed like luminol stars. (Sue Hinkin)

Romance:
Winner: Crossed her heart. Helped him die. (Julie Kerr)
“Choose. Him or me.” I chose. (Stina Branson)
Here lies, my love: name unknown. (Franz Margitza)
“He’s dead. Your place or mine?” (Margaret Mizushima)
His smoldering kisses were ruled arson. (Sue Hinkin)

Thriller:
Winner: She took his name. For starters. (Matthew Porter)
The diamond glittered like freedom. Irresistible. (M.A. Monnin)
He raised his gun. I unloaded. (Daniel Sanchez)
The microfilm reely tasted like treason. (Jazz Lawless)
My neighbor smiled between the shades. (Connor McCloskey)

2018 RMMWA Six-Word Mystery Contest Overall Contest Winner:
She took his name. For starters. (Matthew Porter)

Just for the record, last year’s macabre, overall winner was in the Thriller category: “Eyes so lovely I kept them,” by Cindy Marsh.

An RMMWA news release about this contest explained that “According to legend, the first six-word novel was born in the 1920s when Ernest Hemingway, at New York’s Algonquin Hotel or Luchow’s restaurant (depending on whom you ask), won a $10 bet by writing a six-word story. His dark and dramatic submission was: ‘For sale: Baby shoes. Never worn.’ Urban legend or no, memorable, heartbreaking, and sublime six-word stories have been penned ever since.”

Like the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, which asks that readers and writers submit their worst (that is, most humorous and over-the-top) opening sentences from (thankfully) never-to-be-finished books, the RMMWA’s Six-Word Mystery Contest sounds like a challenge I might wish to take up sometime.