Greeting the Groaners

The winners of this year’s Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest to produce the opening sentence for “the worst of all possible novels” have been announced, and the victor in the Crime category is Tonya Lavel from Barbados, West Indies. Her submission:

It was such a beautiful night; the bright moonlight illuminated the sky, the thick clouds floated leisurely by just above the silhouette of tall, majestic trees, and I was viewing it all from the front row seat of the bullet hole in my car trunk.

Actually, I think I prefer the runner-up, which comes from Eric J. Hildeman of Greenfield, Wisconsin:

Seeing Mrs. Kohler sink, Detective Moen flushed as he plugged the burglary as the unmistakable work of Cap Fawcet, the Mad Plumber, for not only had her pool of assets been drained, but her clogs were now missing, and the toilet had been removed, leaving them with absolutely nothing to go on.

You’ll find several “dishonorable mentions” in this same category, plus victorious entries in other fields of fiction, right here.